Loss and Grief

Its been a rough few months here for us at Hamor Hollow. The big move completely threw our lives, and the lives of our pets, out of whack. Although we gained a lot,we dealt with some big losses and little difficulties. We lost one of our cats, Proxy, to stomach cancer shortly after the move. Once our vet found the cancer, we only had another week and a half to spend with her before it was time to say Goodbye. Proxy had stopped eating and the medication she was on could only sustain her for so long; the cancer was progressing too fast.

Proxy's last few days were spent living the life as a total diva and getting everything she wanted (which, in truth, was only slightly different then her normal life with us). She enjoyed being outside the most; sitting under a tree on her leash. We also took some walks around the yard and in the woods in the back where the birds would yell at her for invading their territory.

The day I took Proxy for her last vet appointment was a sad one. Fortunately, her Uncle Chip is our vet and he was able to help us through what needed to be done. As difficult as it was, I felt a little better afterward knowing that Proxy was no longer in pain. We had Proxy for 8 years and we gave her the very best life we could (we took her in as a stray and fought a 3 year battle with worms..... but that's a whole different story).

We also lost several hedgehogs recently. I won't go into the details of them because you probably know them from my past entries. We've lost both moms and litters of babies and the losses are always hard. As a breeder, I deal with a lot of loss. It does get a little easier, but not much. Nothing can really make losing a loved pet easy.

Sometimes it gets so difficult that I want to throw my arms up and quit. After-all, if I didn't have animals then I wouldn't have to deal with losing them. But I know I could never do that because then I would miss out on things like seeing Decal's nose sniffing at the cage bars and begging for attention when she hears me enter the hedgehog room, or Collecting Blackberry from the hedgehog room floor after she jumps cage, or cuddling with my 3 kitties in the bed in the morning after Sean has gone to work.

It's hard to know what to do after the loss of a pet. You hurt. You feel empty. You go through all the "ifs" and "shouldas"(if I did this differently, I shoulda known that). You blame your self. You blame you vet. You blame your God. And then you finally come to the truth of the matter: You did everything you could have possibly done and some situations just can't be controlled. Maybe there is some weird grand plan that none of us know about (but if you figure it out, can you add it to my Google calendar?) or maybe there is no plan and we're all just winging it?

So now before I get into a great philosophical debate about the meaning of life, I will get to my point.........

I know some of my friends are out there hurting over their recent losses, and I just want you to know that I am keeping you in my thoughts. I've met some really great people in the few years that I have been breeding. Some of you have become close friends and we've shared tales of our hedgehogs throughout their lives. These hedgehogs (cats, dogs, ferrets...), no matter if they were born into the Hamor Hollow clan or just weaseled their way into my life, quickly become part of my family.

Some people were brought to me through grief. There is Carl, who contacted me when he lost his 2nd hedgehog and then kept in contact with me through the life of his 3rd boy who recently passed away from cancer. And Ann and Sarah who owned the bravest and most stubborn hedgehog I ever had the pleasure of being acquainted with. And Steve and Carla who's boy had cancer and passed on today. And many others.

Other people were brought to me through curiosity and the desire to make a hedgehog a part of their life. There's Susan and Naomi who have rescued some hedgehogs through me and have kept in touch through their lives (They were the first people I met when I was starting to think about officially getting into breeding). And Edward who's hedgehog passed too early in life.

I also can't forget the breeders of Hedgehog World, the best breeders in the world, who have always been there for me when I had hedgehog woes. Chip, the best vet in the world who has helped me with the hard decisions. Val, the best friend in the world, who has gone with me when I just couldn't go by myself (and if I go into everything else, I'll be writing a book). And MOST importantly, my loving husband, Sean, who has grieved with me, supported me, and even gone to the vet for me that time I just couldn't.

No matter how we've met some of our friends, we love sharing your joys and pains. It's never easy to lose a beloved pet, but I hope it makes you feel a little better to know that we are grieving along side of you.

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Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...