Er, Come Again?

This story came through my Google news alerts this morning; As printed in The Register

Witchdoctor orders Serb to have sex with hedgehog

Sonic pin ball By Lester Haines → More by this author

Published Friday 15th September 2006 11:34 GMT

A Serbian man who went to a witchdoctor in search of a cure for premature ejaculation rather foolishly took the shaman's advice, viz: have sex with a hedgehog.

You know the rest: Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, ended up in the hospital with severe lacerations to his wedding tackle, according to Ananova. A hospital spokesman said: "The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter. We have managed to repair the damage to his penis."

We contacted a member of the International Association of Witchdoctors this morning for a comment. He told us: "This demonstrates the dangers in consulting unlicenced witchdoctors. We advise anyone with ejaculatory disfunction to consult our list of approved practitioners."

On the matter of premature ejaculation, he added: "Mix one teaspoon of powdered ocelot spleen with Red Bull under a full moon. Drink one hour before attempting penetration while sitting in a pentacle formed by toad skulls. Then, when you're on the job, think about the mother-in-law and filling in tax returns." ®

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So, wow! I could go in so many directions with this!

Wanna know what I've learned? (Of course you do)

  1. There is an International Association of Witch Doctors.
  2. If you are a witch doctor, you should be licensed if you want people to respect you.
  3. Witch Doctors use Red Bull (now there's an opportunity for an ad).
  4. At some point in the past, someone has made a pentacle using toad skulls.
  5. 'The Register' will print anything.
  6. Google yields 0 results for "powdered ocelot spleen" or "pentacle formed by toad skulls" (shocking!).
  7. Belgrade is in Europe, so I will naturally assume that a European hedgehog was used in this "adventure". (It's a slightly larger hedgehog, but still....)
  8. Zoran Nikolovic has a small member.

I know I left out the moral of this story, but then we all already know not to have sex with hedgehogs!

Here is the same story as reported in Ananova

Kelly